Happy days die...but some survive

Maybe I was never strong
Maybe I am doing it all wrong
Maybe I shouldn't fake
Maybe I should just show how I break

And these walls I'm building now
nobody can bring them down
You don't know why I do
it's all just to protect you

Maybe there will be this day
when everything is okay
Maybe there will be this time
when I just slipp away
Maybe it's all so easy
just listening to my heart
and maybe there willl be this day
when I stop breaking apart
Maybe, maybe, yes maybe

Maybe I should choose between
what I want and what I need
Maybe this is all so real
and maybe this is just a fucking dream

Now it all feels like a fight
you are always on my side
and all I wanna do
is show how grateful I am to you

Maybe there will be this day
when everything is okay
Maybe there will be this time
when I just slipp away
Maybe it's all so easy
just listening to my heart
and maybe there willl be this day
when I stop breaking apart
Maybe, maybe, yes maybe

Why is all this so confusing
complicated and consuming
Why is all this make me angry
why can't I just be happy
but you are always on my side
when all feels like a fight

Maybe there will be this day
when everything is okay
Maybe there will be this time
when I just slipp away
Maybe it's all so easy
just listening to my heart
and maybe there willl be this day
when I stop breaking apart
Maybe, maybe, yes maybe

maybe, just maybe, maybe, maybe, just maybe....

I'm confused
Don't know
what to do
Don't know
what to say
I'm so confused

I'm confused
for what should I fight?
for what should I live?
Yes for you
and I still do
sorry, I'm so confused

I'm confused
Wich way to go?
I'm searching, searching and searching
can't find a road that I should take
It's getting faster
I'm so confused

I'm confused
should I talk?
should I be quiet?
should I hide?
should I show?
I'm so confused

I'm confused
I could fake
I could be true
I could disappear
But I don't wanna hurt you
I'm so confused

I'm confused
so many doubts
Will I figure it out?
Will there be a day
when everything turns out okay
and I could stay
without fears
or the tears
pain or cry
I don't wanna be confused
not again, not longer
Take it away from me
I'm begging you
Stop it
stop me

back? forth? up? down?

I'm still confused....

I am weak
too weak to stand up again
too weak to continue
too weak to make it turn out right
I am just weak

I am weak
too weak to be alone
and too weak to be with you
Just leave me here
No! Don't go...'cause I'm just weak

I am weak
too weak to get out of danger
too weak to save you
too weak to save me from myself
you see... I am just weak

I am weak
too weak to fight
too weak to talk
too weak to fake
I am just weak

I am weak
too weak to stand up again
but too strong to lie here
please save me
With you I'm not weak

I wrote this text, when I was in Canada but I didn't set it online, don't ask me why.... I think it was too negative and I wanted you to believe that I am just happy there. But yes, I had dark moments, too....but not that often. Most of the time I was happy and just felt free =)


Hold me
Just hold me tight
don't leave me
please

Hold me
don't let me fall
stay with me
I need you

Hold me
dry my tears
kill my fears
let me sleep

Hold me
and take me away
I don't want to stay
it will never ever be okay

Hold me
Save me
from the danger
Keep me save

Hold me
I'm tired of crying
sick of trying
I'm slowly dying

Today is the last day in Canada. In 3 hours I'm going to drive to the airport and have to say goodbye to my loved family and to the town. The town I spend almost 4 fantastic and excited weeks. It was such a good time. But I didn't just go shopping or visit sights. It was also a helpfull time, to sort my thoughts, to overcome things and just to talk to my family and get new views. Views about who I am and who I want to become. It was great and I don't really want to go home. But I have to. Sure I am happy that I will see the persons and the things I love, again...but.. it's difficult to let this good time go. I don't know if I should laugh or cry. But now, I guess that I can't see clear. Soon I will sit in the plane, alone... and I hope that there won't be problems at the airport and that I'll take it to change the planes or to orient myself. But I took it on the flight to Canada and now I will take it on the flight back. But some doubts are always there. Well, now, I need some time on my own, to look back, think about the last weeks and to say goodbye to my family =(
But...I just let it slide...

See you soon in Germany!