Happy days die...but some survive

It's not my fault
when you think it's over
It's not my fault
when everything is going wrong
It's not my fault
when you're unhappy

It's not my fault
when you can't sleep
It's not my fault
when it's hard to breathe
It's not my fault
when you're unhappy

It's not my fault
when nobody knows
It's not my fault
when every door is closed
It's not my fault
when you're unhappy

It's not my fault
when it's getting too loud
It's not my fault
when there's no way to get out
It's not my fault
when you're unhappy

It's not my fault
when you think your life is broken
It's not my fault
when your wounds are still open
It's not my fault
when you're unhappy

It's not my fault
when just the bad memories are left
It's not my fault
when you cried when I slept
It's not my fault
when you're unhappy

It's not my fault
when you can't work it out
It's not my fault
when you are lost in the crowd
It's not my fault
when you're unhappy

But..

It's my fault
if it won't go away
It's my fault
if I want to stay
and yes, it's my fault
all my fault
when I am unhappy

I'm sitting here
my thoughts are far away
thinking about some things
Gone are the days of summer
Nobody can change it
I am just dreaming
And suddenly I get this feeling

It's all so clear to me now
I got a whole new perspective
It's all so clear to me now
you can't treat me that way
and its appeared to me
how long you tried to make me think
That it was me who was beeing the fake
so clear

Why did I smile when I hurt inside
said I was okay when I knew it's a lie
But it's the true, I just can't believe you
I was insecure in your near
was afraid of what you do
but I realize
I'm so much better without you
I am not sorry

It's all so clear to me now
I got a whole new perspective
It's all so clear to me now
you can't treat me that way
and its appeared to me
how long you tried to make me think
That it was me who was beeing the fake
so clear

I will put the past behinde
try, and maybe I can find
better days
first time in a while
think I even feel a smile on my face
Oh, I'm so much better without you
I got a whole new perspective
you can't treat me that way
I am not sorry

It's all so clear to me now
I got a whole new perspective
It's all so clear to me now
you can't treat me that way
and its appeared to me
how long you tried to make me think
That it was me who was beeing the fake
so clear

Sun is going down
on a Friday
and I feel alright
I feel okay

What happened?
What have I done?
Did I hurt you?
Why are you so angry?
Why do you always do this to me?

We had a good time
Why is it over?
What went wrong?
Why are you so nasty?
Why do you always do this to me?

You're sitting there
looking at me
and say bad things
I can hear it
But it doesn't matter
Why do you always do this to me?

You talk about me
behinde my back
you make fun about me
and don't realize
how wimpy you are

I love the time we had
but it's broken
it's all so clear to me now
you can't treat me that way
If you'll fight, I'll fight too

You can't bring me down
You can't make me go away
You can't tell me any reason
You can't go back this time
So why do you always do this to me?

I know who I am
I know where I stand
I won't runaway
just because of you
I won't approve that you always do this to me

You won't believe it
but I'm strong
I can deal with it
No matter what will happen
I don't have to worry
I am not sorry
I let it go...

Tears
they don't change anything
they are just there
and role over your face

Tears
there are many reasons for them
pain, luck, desperate and sadness
but they don't help you

Tears
wet, clear and cold
everyone try to hide them
so no one care

Tears
don't help me
so I won't show them
I think it would hurt me
if you see my tears
'cause you will recognize
and smile....

I don't know what happend. Joyfull things happened to me, today. But I feel so bad like a long time before. It began in the Physic lesson. I got depressed, I was in a bad mood and everything and everyone anoied me. I thought it will fade away and I'll feel better when I'm at home. But it doesn't change. I cry, I get angry, I'm desperate and cry again. I don't know how to stop it. It's making me confused. What's wrong? Why do I feel so bad. I'm not sure what I want. I don't know if I want to be comforted or if I just want to be alone. What the fuck is going on? I'm so sad, desperate, confused and angry....

Sleep is one of the most important things for people. It's healty to sleep enough, you can relax and can start fresh in a new day. I love it to sleep. In this time I forgot all my fears and my problems, I am just in my own world. But this world isn't that good this time. Nightmares afflict me and I can't sleep so well. And now im tired every day. I have to fight with me, 'cause if I do not, I will just close my eyes and will fall asleep, for example, in an english lesson.
I'm dead on one's feet at the moment I just want to sleep now. Without any dream, no matter if it's good or bad, just sleep. I'm sick of this feeling. If there didn't happen joyfully things, I think I'd be so down now. But I'm not depressed. I'm just tired. I think I'm too tired to feel anything. Now... I just want to sleep. Good night <3

A good friend of mine told me that I have to concentrate on the good things in life. And I try to take this advice seriously. It doesn't work as fast as I want to, but I make advances. But now I think about the things which makes life great. Friends? Nobody is happy without friends, that's for sure. Family? Everybody need a family. I have my cousins and my aunt and uncle. They are the most important persons in my family, for me. I love them so much and nobody will ever change it. What does people need in life? What does make them happy? I think every person has his or her individual thing he/she needs the most. For some people, it's money. Other people needs friends or family members around them. To be succesfull is another important aspect for a happy life. There are so many reasons. But the people aren't happy, even though they have a family, friends, they are succesfull, earn money and have people around them they love. Why? Why are people never happy? It doesn't matter how much they get, they always want more. I think there is a lot I have to learn.

I just can say, I love my family and especially my cousins. I love my friends. I don't think that I could live without them. There is my friend, I can talk about everything with her and we do so many crazy things together. Beeing with her is very funny. And there's another friend. With him, I could talk about the serious things. And he help me. In school problems and privat problems. I am so greatfull that I have all this people. Thank goodness!