Happy days die...but some survive

Was it something
I said?
Was it something
I did?
I became unimportant to you
I've never felt
So insignificant

We're not talking anymore
We're not seeing anymore
How can you act
like it's right this way?
I just don't understand
What have I done?
But you remain silent

We didn't have to fall
I don't want your tears
I don't want your pity
Just any feeling at all
Would have been sufficient
I never felt so small
So insignificant

I once used to be
relevant to you
You attended me
You were there for me
But now I'm left standing here
And you didn't even care
You never even looked back at me

I wonder
If it's my fault
Did I bother you?
And I wonder
If you feel that way, too?
Or are you okay with that?
You make me feel insignificant

I often tried to tell you
But you didn't get it
You didn't listen
Now I'll leave you alone
Watch you from the distance
And think about what we have lost
Maybe it'll get unimportant to me

Was it something I said?
Was it something I did?
What happened between us
Why changed you our relationship?
I just became unimportant to you
And I've never felt
So insignificant before

:(

We had a quarrel again. He was so mad at me, just because I wanted to cook some rice late in the evening. He totally freaked out. Now my whole body is hurting. I don't understand why he is doing this to me, why he is so overreacting. He pushed me away, so I fell on the floor, right under the stove. I couldn't immediatly stand up again - I was too dizzy. And than he stood above me and swept with a single hand movement the pot off the stove, so it fell down and the hot water burned my leg. It burned my thigh - I still can't believe it. I can handle his fist, I can handle his feet, but this really hurts... it just hurts too much... .

I'm afraid
Of what's coming
I'm afraid
Of changing
I'm afraid
Of staying this way
I'm afraid..

I'm scared
Of myself
I'm scared
Of what's happening to me
I'm scared
Of losing my best friends
I'm scared

I'm insecure
about what to do
I'm insecure
about who I am
I'm insecure
About my desicions
I'm insecure

I feel alone
even though I'm not
I feel lonely
without any reason
I feel depressed
Didn't I just smiled?
I just feel bad

There are so many things
They are haunting me
So many questions
Who am I?
Am I doing right?
Why am I not like before?

All these questions
They are torturing me
I don't know
How to break out
Just feel lonely
What went wrong?

I don't know, if you'll ever read this. Maybe I don't even want you to do. But something's happening to me and you are the only one I could tell about it. I dreamed about you last night and this dream scares me that much, I just have to write you. Because in my dream I definitely lost you. Besides I got the feeling of losing myself. Yesterday, he beat me again. It was not the first time. And I know, you are left in disbelief that I let this happen to me, I also can't understand it. And I know, you don't want to be involved into this situation, but it is more complicated than you think. I love him. That sounds so ridiculous and weak, but its enough for me to hold on. But tonight I am at my wits' end.. I am sunk. He really hurt me, brothers. It's still hurting...

Dear brothers,

do you remember? We were children and mum wanted us to think about a New Year resolution and we had to sticked to it, doesn't matter what it was or what happened. Something like brushing your teeth every night, not to argue that much or to read a book. She acted like everything could be possible. Well, a new year started again, but I don't believe in it anymore. I'm wondering if you feel the same way. Something's happening to me. I feel like shriveling, like I'm becoming smaller and smaller and I can't stop it. In my life, so much is going wrong right now and it feels like the ground opens and swallows me up. As you leaved, this big gap emerged, but instead of growing into it, I just fell through it. And I am still falling. Like I was half-asleep and can't wake up... just can't wake up...

Actually it's not my text and not my own words. These are the lyrics of "Love of a daughter" from Demi Lovato. But it fits so much to a special situation, I can't get the words out of my head. So I decided to post it here - I just changed some parts so it totally dovetails to my mind.


Ten years old
With my back to the door
All I could hear
Was the family war
Your selfish hands
Always expecting more
Am I your child
Or just a charity award?

You have a hollowed out heart
But it's heavy in your chest
I try so hard to fight it
But it's hopeless, hopeless
You are hopeless.

Oh father, please father
I'd love to leave you alone
but I can't let you go
Oh father, please father
Put your fist down
For the love of a daughter

It's been 5 years
since we've hugged last
And you can't take back
What we never had
I can be manipulated
Only so many times
Before even "I love you"
Starts to sound like a lie

You have a hollowed out heart
But it's heavy in your chest
I try so hard to fight it
But it's hopeless, hopeless
You are hopeless

Oh father, please father
I'd love to leave you alone
But I can't let you go
Oh father, please father
Put your hands down
For the love of a daughter

Don't you remember
I'm your little girl?
How could you push me
Out of your world?
Lied to your flesh and your blood
Put your hands on the one
That you swore you loved

Oh father, please father
I'd love to leave you alone
But I can't let you go
Oh father, please father
Put the bottle down
For the love of a daughter

-------------------------------
It's hopeless. You are hopeless.
--------------------------------

I'd love to leave you alone. But I can't let you go.

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