Happy days die...but some survive

Dear brothers,

do you remember? We were children and mum wanted us to think about a New Year resolution and we had to sticked to it, doesn't matter what it was or what happened. Something like brushing your teeth every night, not to argue that much or to read a book. She acted like everything could be possible. Well, a new year started again, but I don't believe in it anymore. I'm wondering if you feel the same way. Something's happening to me. I feel like shriveling, like I'm becoming smaller and smaller and I can't stop it. In my life, so much is going wrong right now and it feels like the ground opens and swallows me up. As you leaved, this big gap emerged, but instead of growing into it, I just fell through it. And I am still falling. Like I was half-asleep and can't wake up... just can't wake up...

Actually it's not my text and not my own words. These are the lyrics of "Love of a daughter" from Demi Lovato. But it fits so much to a special situation, I can't get the words out of my head. So I decided to post it here - I just changed some parts so it totally dovetails to my mind.


Ten years old
With my back to the door
All I could hear
Was the family war
Your selfish hands
Always expecting more
Am I your child
Or just a charity award?

You have a hollowed out heart
But it's heavy in your chest
I try so hard to fight it
But it's hopeless, hopeless
You are hopeless.

Oh father, please father
I'd love to leave you alone
but I can't let you go
Oh father, please father
Put your fist down
For the love of a daughter

It's been 5 years
since we've hugged last
And you can't take back
What we never had
I can be manipulated
Only so many times
Before even "I love you"
Starts to sound like a lie

You have a hollowed out heart
But it's heavy in your chest
I try so hard to fight it
But it's hopeless, hopeless
You are hopeless

Oh father, please father
I'd love to leave you alone
But I can't let you go
Oh father, please father
Put your hands down
For the love of a daughter

Don't you remember
I'm your little girl?
How could you push me
Out of your world?
Lied to your flesh and your blood
Put your hands on the one
That you swore you loved

Oh father, please father
I'd love to leave you alone
But I can't let you go
Oh father, please father
Put the bottle down
For the love of a daughter

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It's hopeless. You are hopeless.
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I'd love to leave you alone. But I can't let you go.

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