Happy days die...but some survive

When I want to remember the last three month, I just have to take a look in the mirror. And I must confess that I don't even recognize myself anymore. What happened to me? I just see a pissed off, desperate and exhausted girl with deep, black eye circles. A girl who don't care about the world around her, who don't care what happened and who just don't care about herself. But now it's the time I can't stand my own common sight. It's annoying me. It's disgusting. Maybe it has to come this far, 'cause now I am ready to stand up again and to take my destiny in my own hands again.
One of my teachers was or is really worried about me and so he invited my father to a conversation. They talked about me, I was not allowed to be there, too. But I know what he said. He told him I would hurt myself. He told him I broke down. He asked many questions and I just wonder why he didn't ask me first. Now one of the most important rules: You want to have information about me? You wanna know something? Ask me! Not my parents, not my friends, not my teachers, ask me and you will get an answer. Maybe it won't be a satisfied answer, but you will get a response.
I think I know, why my teacher doesn't want to talk to me. He thinks I can't make decisions on my own, that I don't know what's right or wrong. And yes, he is right. Or he was right. I just didn't know what to do, 'cause everything felt wrong. But I was not me the last time. I always tried to be an independent, autonomous, wise and proud person and I think that I reached this aim in some way. And now my pride is saving me, 'cause it says 'no' to my attitude. It doesn't allow me to let myself down and now it's waking me up. My teacher wants my parents to help me. But I won't let them. I do not really know why, but they were never there for me, they broke everything and they were never a counterpart for me. And I don't want it to change just because I am in a critical situation now. I will get out there without their help. So I have to push them back. I will gave them some information, but not more than necessary. And even though my teacher might think that it's wrong, I will do it this way. I am aware of the responibility I have for myself now and I know that I am able to take it. Just because they are my parents, it doesn't mean that I need them. Sure, for some things I do, but not as support or an emotional prop. Even if they tried to help me, it just got even worse. So now it's time to stand up, to fight and to take my destiny in my own hands. I know I am stuck in a deep whole. And I also know that nobody will get me out of it. Nobody but myself. Teachers and friends, trust me: I know what's coming towars me. I know how to handle it, I know you will help me. I am ready to take responsibility for myself, for my actions and my decisions. I know I am young. But I do have reasons for my acting and just because I am a little inexpierienced girl, it doesn't mean that these reasons are not crucial or something like that.
Maybe I should be glad about my look in the mirror. I can return to my old me.
This is my awakening. My reawakening.