Happy days die...but some survive

The conversation with my mum proceeded yesterday. I talked to her. Said everything. But I don't think that I reached something. I'm just as hurt as before. We both had different imaginations of the end. She thought that everything would be okay, after we talked and I always knew that I don't want to see her again for the next time. I don't know why...but even though I was so angry, sad and hurt it hurts me seeing her suffer. She's still my mum and anywhere, deep inside of me I'm still loving her. But I'm to proud to show it. I don't want that she thinks she could treat me such unfair and the little girl would crawl back. She has to learn that she can't treat me that way, even though I'm only a little teenager and don't have much life experience. She can't! I can't! My pride is saying "no"!
When I saw her crying, I felt sorry for her.. Something inside me wanted to solace her, but the other me, the stronger me, remember me how she treated me and so I sat there and watched her crying. But I didn't forget what she has done and so I could stand it. For me it was hard, too. But I said clearly what's in my mind and what I want...what I wish for the future. And I said that I need distance. That I need time and space. Time without her. She has to give me time and I will call her when I'm ready for it. Ready for another try. I don't know how long it takes, I will trust my feelings.
After the conversation we stood on the street. Darkness around us. She tried to hug me, but I slapped her arms away. I didn't want that she touchs me. Than she walked away and I stood there.. alone in the darkness. I felt so tired. I could cry. But I didn't. I don't know why, but I wanted to stay strong. Like I did the last month. And so I walked away and got lost in the darkness....

I hope that she'll take my wishes seriously... I hope so.
I couln't stand another disappointment.....