Happy days die...but some survive

I don't know what happened between us. Or when it happened. I just know: There happened something. Something wrong.
Our friendship exists of heights and depths. Only unfortunately, the duration of the heights is so short and the duration of the depths so long. I know that is always like this. That's typical for life. People must also experience the time on the ground to come to appreciate the heights again. But we both know, that our time on the ground just bring us down. Deeper as we already are.
Your life is not easy. My life is not easy. But instead of rebuilding ourselves, we stay together on the ground. I wanna live. You wanna die. Yes, there was a time, I also wanted to die. But this time is over. I have attained my strength again. Why don't you try it? Sometimes I think, you do not want that anyone help you, at all. You want to remain on the ground. You want that he hates you. Why do you talk yourself into it over and over again? Sometimes I think, you want to be worthless. You don't want to be happy. Why do you think so? You believe it because you talk yourself into it over and over again.
You think you're alone and nobody would love you. You took it all wrong. You have us. You have him. But do you want that nobody loves you? Sometimes I think so.
You will never become happy, if you keep this attitude. But do you want to become happy at all? Do want to be loved? I'm not sure.
I know the truth hurts, but lies are worse:
I'm sick and tired of your attitude. I can't listening to your deathwish again and again. I can't take your deathwish seriously. You tell me since 3 years from now, that you are going to kill yourself. But you didn't. Don't take me wrong. I don't want you to die, but why are you talking about it everytime and just don't do it? You say you feel terrible, and bad, desperate and sad. You can't feel so bad as you say, 'cause you refuse to accept help (except from him). Somebody who really feel that bad would do everything just for the fact that he feels better again. Or don't you want to be fine? I can't stand this story anymore. And now, don't come and say: I am sorry, I am the only one to blame. I am so worthless and do everything wrong. I should end my life, than you don't have the worthless piece of garbage, anymore and can spend your life in peace. Don't think that you are the only one to blame. And don't think that you mean nothing to me. You mean so much to me, but sometimes friends have to say whats on their mind. And if you think, you mean nothing to me, than you're totally wrong.
You have to change your attitude. Life's what you make it. And you make nothing. Learn to love yourself and don't ever tell yourself that you are ugly, fat and worthless. 'Cause if you believe that, nobody can ever help you. Your love to this man...yes it's strange but you are obsessed of him. Try to get away from him. Than he won't bring you down again and again. I will help you. But only if you change your attitude and really want to change anything. If you do not, and go on with telling: "I'm worthless and wanna die"...then I just can say: "Yes, then die. Kill yourself". You think you are alone.
Haven't you ever noticed all those people who did everything for your happy ending? And you hurted them all. They just love you too much to mention.
But now I did it....
I hope you will think about my words....