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Samstag, 19. September 2009
Broken trust
unhappy, 01:59h
We always called ourselfs "CFS", but do you know the meaning of it?
For me, it means to tell you everything and be true to you. What does it means for you? To fight for me? To protect me? Yes, you protected me, but than you broke it...'cause you were never true.
I can't understand it. Why didn't you tell me? To protect me or to protect yourself? I'm not sure. I don't know anything. Mum lied, you lied..every person I ever trust lied to me. Lied right in my face. So tell me? Who can I trust? I really don't know.
I just wanted a relationship like: We love each other, can talk about everything and be true to each other.. but it wasn't possible..why?
You can't tell me if you're feeling good or bad. You can't tell me, why you're thinking that you're lifes a desaster. Why? Am I untrustworthy? I can't understand why everybody is telling me lies... I can't understand it and I'm really mad about it.
And the worst part about all this is that I can't trust you anymore. If you tell me, you're fine, I don't believe you. If you tell me, you're feeling bad, I don't believe you. If you tell me, you care..I can't believe you. If you tell me, you love me....I just can't believe you....I'm so sorry..but I just can't. You told me that you'd be always true from now on. But I don't think that you are... I can't believe you. Believe me, I really want, but I just can't...
I just believe, that you figure me for a little girl, who think she's an adult. Who thinks she knows everything.... And I can't handle this. I am a free person. I can decide: "Do I want this? - Yes or no" I know enough to know myself and do whats right for me. And the worst you can ever do, is take away my freedom from me.
You wrote in one of your text, that nobody knows you... So, which person do I know? Do I have this CFS relationship with a fake cousin? Did I ever see the real you? And why did you keep it a secret? I thought you trust me and that I can trust you..but, who are you? Which person did I trust and which person did I tell my secrets? Were you ever true to me?
I'm sorry, I love...you..even though I never knew who you are...
It's a pitty that I had to say this..but that's on my mind. When will I ever know you?
But I really have a question: Was it really necessary?
<3
For me, it means to tell you everything and be true to you. What does it means for you? To fight for me? To protect me? Yes, you protected me, but than you broke it...'cause you were never true.
I can't understand it. Why didn't you tell me? To protect me or to protect yourself? I'm not sure. I don't know anything. Mum lied, you lied..every person I ever trust lied to me. Lied right in my face. So tell me? Who can I trust? I really don't know.
I just wanted a relationship like: We love each other, can talk about everything and be true to each other.. but it wasn't possible..why?
You can't tell me if you're feeling good or bad. You can't tell me, why you're thinking that you're lifes a desaster. Why? Am I untrustworthy? I can't understand why everybody is telling me lies... I can't understand it and I'm really mad about it.
And the worst part about all this is that I can't trust you anymore. If you tell me, you're fine, I don't believe you. If you tell me, you're feeling bad, I don't believe you. If you tell me, you care..I can't believe you. If you tell me, you love me....I just can't believe you....I'm so sorry..but I just can't. You told me that you'd be always true from now on. But I don't think that you are... I can't believe you. Believe me, I really want, but I just can't...
I just believe, that you figure me for a little girl, who think she's an adult. Who thinks she knows everything.... And I can't handle this. I am a free person. I can decide: "Do I want this? - Yes or no" I know enough to know myself and do whats right for me. And the worst you can ever do, is take away my freedom from me.
You wrote in one of your text, that nobody knows you... So, which person do I know? Do I have this CFS relationship with a fake cousin? Did I ever see the real you? And why did you keep it a secret? I thought you trust me and that I can trust you..but, who are you? Which person did I trust and which person did I tell my secrets? Were you ever true to me?
I'm sorry, I love...you..even though I never knew who you are...
It's a pitty that I had to say this..but that's on my mind. When will I ever know you?
But I really have a question: Was it really necessary?
<3
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